Bullies are not only children...

Middle school bullies and mean girls grow up and become adult bullies and mean girls.  Grown up queen-bees and bullying behaviour remains the same as back in the day: it systematically targets people with the intention to intimidate, undermine, or degrade.  The same tricks get recycled too: gossip (lies), sabotage, exclusion, public shaming and many more deliberate behaviours.

According to "The goal of the adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult and try and humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss.""

"Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others." - Paramahansa Yogananda

Being bullied is very painful and truly a tragic experience.  Having thought once we grew up into adulthood we would no longer have to experience (cope) with mean girls, group clicks, gangs, gossips and liars.  These people who need to feel good or worthy at the expense of another is horrific.  People who bully are acting in premeditation and deliberate cruelty.

Adult bullying is very serious and very real.  I have personally experienced adult bullying and would love to share how working with my coach has helped me move through the pain, heal and find a more courageous and graceful self.

Are you a victim of bullies, mean girls or boys?  Plese reach out, I'd love to listen.

What 50 Looks Like....

Its a Sunday morning in December and I begin this story on a plane from the fidget cold of -34 celsius in Calgary, AB, Canada heading to British Columbia to visit with a treatment centre.  As a recovery coach, I'm visiting to learn the centre's culture and philosophy and to share my coaching services with their clients and staff members.

The sun is beating in through the aircraft window and the amazing Rocky Mountains are directly below, I'm so blessed, grateful and happy.  This is my second flight in less than ten days.  A week ago, I flew home from the glorious Maui, Hawaii. 

I celebrated my 50th birthday and my 9 years of recovery from alcoholism over 12 joyful days in one of the most special places on earth - Hawaii!  Some people say I'm lucky...lucky to have a handsome, loving, supportive husband.  An amazing home and fun fur son.  Loving family and friends.  A rewarding coaching practice, the most special clients a coach for ask for.  I say I'm blessed and all I needed was hope.  The same hope that was foundational in my journey of recovery from addiction.  

Nine years ago November I was hanging on by a very thin thread.  Alcohol was killing me and stealing everything I loved.  That handsome, loving, supportive husband had packed his bags.  My fur babies hid from me.  My family and friends weren't taking my calls and my home was going to be sold.  I had a glimmer of hope that just maybe I could redeem myself.  Maybe just maybe I would not drink today. Maybe just maybe I could be normal and function like others do.  Well here I am at 50 and sober functioning in the world as others do.  Putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.  Staying present in today.  Growing and stretching as a human and uncovering who I truly am.

I'm not lucky.....I'm blessed!  I'm so excited to be 50 and to see what the year holds for me.  This journey of recovery has shown me why I did what I did, why I made the decisions I made and how to create a life that my heart has always desired.  I've learned how to accept and forgive myself.  How to change my thoughts and create new healthy thoughts.   Recognize expectations of myself and those around me and identify when they are realistic and unrealistic.  My journey of recovery is so much more than I could have ever imagined.  I had no idea what I was getting into, but am so grateful for that little bit of hope I had for a different and new life. 

I pray those who are struggling with addiction to hang on to that small bit of hope.  You too can recover and create a life you've always dreamt of.


My First 12 Step Visit and the Hugs

Lately, I've been thinking about the very first time I walked into a meeting of a 12 Step group.  I was greeted outside by a woman who had met with my husband and I previously.  She walked up to me with a huge smile and arms wide open and asked "can I hug you?",  I quickly said sure.  This was the first of many hugs.  I didn't expect that and honesty wasn't sure how to take it, but I went with it and walked up the stairs into an all ladies meeting.  The butterflies where wild in me and I was shocked at what I saw.  All kinds of women, laughing, smiling, chatting, making coffee, organizing books and binders and chit chatting away.  They were so foreign to me, is this what 12 Step looked like?  Is this what alcoholic women sounded like, happy, joyous, alive, free and beautiful?  Safety comes to mind.  I felt safe in a very strange way.  I felt like I oddly fit in.  Geeze, I didn't want to belong here, but every instinct within me screamed I did! 

Quickly the buzzing, chatting women sat down, more came in and the woman at the head of the room, with all the books and binders in front of her, spoke.  My sweet new friend, touched me and said "the meeting is starting".  I was excited and fearful all at the same time.

Women began sharing and talking about their relationship with alcohol.  What it was like, what happened and how they came to a 12 Step Group and what their lives where like in sobriety.  I have no idea exactly what they said, but I do remember how I felt, safe.  I felt love.  I felt hope.  I felt relief.  I felt apart of.  I felt here was my answer to my drinking.

The close of the meeting was announced and we all stood, took hands and shared in the Serenity prayer.  My sweet new friend hugged me again and said "keep coming back".  More women came up to me and hugged and welcomed me. I was so overwhelmed by love.  I left with a new book and a two page list of women's names and phone numbers I could call at any time.  Their love, honesty and hope shocked me.  I wanted what they had, so I kept going, in spite of myself.  In spite of my ego and fear, I kept going.

Are you willing, in spite of yourself, to have your first 12 Step visit?

Amy Winehouse

Finally saw the Amy Winehouse movie.  I knew her story would stay with me, it stayed with me when I read the biography and now seeing the documentary, I just knew I had to write and share.

As a person in recovery and a Recovery Addictions Life Coach, it was very obvious to me that Amy never had true support. Support that would do and say the hard things for her. Say those things from their heart that would have impacted her life.

How to create joy in your life - 4 Steps to Joy

Joy and happiness are not the same thing, joy includes happiness. Joy is found within each of us, while happiness is external.

Feelings, environment, people can create happiness but as soon as the feelings change, our environment changes, people change the happiness that was tied to those externals is gone. Happiness is of the flesh, it is the "what" will make me happy.