Thousands of $$$ Spent on Booze....Addiction is Expensive

While walking my sweet dog Ollie today, a memory of an exercise I did during the first weeks of sobriety came flooding in.  It was such a strong memory, I could feel cigarette smoke in my throat.

From November 11 to November 26, 2007 I spent my days at a government day treatment program.  Here I learned about addiction.  They asked our group to write down the amount of liquor drank on a daily basis and calculate the monthly amount of money spent. 

I was so shocked to learn I spend over $1,000.00 a month in secret!

This $1,000 did not include when my husband and I went out for dinners, to friends parties, had people in to our home, Saturday afternoon cocktails at the neighbors and in our local pubs.

Frequently I speak with people who are wishing to make changes in their lives and to create a new lifestyle for themselves and they're families.  Some see the value in getting sober and creating a new lifestyle and some don't.  I was willing to spend whatever it would take to get sober and stay sober!

What value do you put on your transformation from addiction to recovery?

Is today the day you decide you're worth saving?

My First 12 Step Visit and the Hugs

Lately, I've been thinking about the very first time I walked into a meeting of a 12 Step group.  I was greeted outside by a woman who had met with my husband and I previously.  She walked up to me with a huge smile and arms wide open and asked "can I hug you?",  I quickly said sure.  This was the first of many hugs.  I didn't expect that and honesty wasn't sure how to take it, but I went with it and walked up the stairs into an all ladies meeting.  The butterflies where wild in me and I was shocked at what I saw.  All kinds of women, laughing, smiling, chatting, making coffee, organizing books and binders and chit chatting away.  They were so foreign to me, is this what 12 Step looked like?  Is this what alcoholic women sounded like, happy, joyous, alive, free and beautiful?  Safety comes to mind.  I felt safe in a very strange way.  I felt like I oddly fit in.  Geeze, I didn't want to belong here, but every instinct within me screamed I did! 

Quickly the buzzing, chatting women sat down, more came in and the woman at the head of the room, with all the books and binders in front of her, spoke.  My sweet new friend, touched me and said "the meeting is starting".  I was excited and fearful all at the same time.

Women began sharing and talking about their relationship with alcohol.  What it was like, what happened and how they came to a 12 Step Group and what their lives where like in sobriety.  I have no idea exactly what they said, but I do remember how I felt, safe.  I felt love.  I felt hope.  I felt relief.  I felt apart of.  I felt here was my answer to my drinking.

The close of the meeting was announced and we all stood, took hands and shared in the Serenity prayer.  My sweet new friend hugged me again and said "keep coming back".  More women came up to me and hugged and welcomed me. I was so overwhelmed by love.  I left with a new book and a two page list of women's names and phone numbers I could call at any time.  Their love, honesty and hope shocked me.  I wanted what they had, so I kept going, in spite of myself.  In spite of my ego and fear, I kept going.

Are you willing, in spite of yourself, to have your first 12 Step visit?

Procrastination & Recovery

Lately I've been procrastinating. While in a session with my coach I shared with her the 'whys' I haven't been following through, completing tasks, and creating a new weekly habit of writing.

So I've decided to be brave, become vulnerable with words and accept that I can't control how people perceive my words and how they feel when reading my words.

With some research and searching my heart I learned new things and I'm so excited to share with you. Here goes…….