Gifts of Sobriety - Freedom

My very first inklings of a new freedom were upon awakening, knowing it was 6 am and not 6 pm.  Opening my eyes without my head pounding and my mouth parched.   Feelings of happiness and not of shame and guilt of what took place in the previous hours. At days end, lying my head on the pillow with a smile and a full heart with one more day of sobriety.

Today I am free from the obsessive drinking and obsessive thinking of drinking.

Acceptance and surrender signal the beginning of freedom and happiness.  Once I arrived at this place, my healing began.

Restoration

May is an excellent month for looking back to see how I’ve been doing with achieving my new year intentions. Well, I can honestly say I’m right on track of restoring my peace and serenity!

The meaning of restoration is bringing back to a former position or condition. Another meaning of restoration is to receive back more than has been lost to the point where the final state is greater than the original condition. I’ve been restoring my peace and serenity by living into my values and holding my boundries by understanding that relationships change when similar values are no longer shared and when people are growing differently. This is normal and okay, its called growth. If a relationship doesn’t align with your values, its okay and healthy to let it go. I’m getting back to my former place and perhaps even greater than my original condition. All of my own personal coaching sessions have been about growth and analyzing what my deepest core values are and recognizing when something has rubbed up against them.

Last weekend, Mother’s Day, I attended a women’s conference with my niece called “Renewed”. It was wonderful to be in the community of other similar minded women all checking in with themselves and being self-responsible for their lives and how they want to live their lives. It allowed me to reflect and take a quick inventory to see where I am and where I’m going.

Where are you with your yearly intentions?

What are you working on?

What would you like to restore to its original condition or better yet, greater than the original condition?

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CHECK-IN WITH MY HEART - Daily Practice

Over the last 12 years, I’ve learned that I must have a daily practice to check-in with my heart, do a self-examination, and work on my spiritual growth. All of us could benefit from this. No one is exempt from the possibility of going back to old ways.

We need to look at four areas of our lives on a regular basis.

• Check-in with your body. Ask yourself, “What is my body telling me?” Your body is a barometer of what’s happening inside of you. For example, if you have tense muscles, you probably have some stress. If you’re tired, hungry, or stressed out, those can be clues that your life has gotten out of whack and you may be headed for problems.

• Check-in with your emotions. Make sure you’re allowing your real feelings to surface instead of pushing them down. If you try to put a cap on your emotions, the pressure will build up and you’re bound to explode. Check in using your heart by asking yourself the following questions:
  H: Am I hurting?
  E: Am I exhausted?
  A: Am I angry?
  R: Do I resent anybody?
  T: Am I tense?

• Check-in on your relationships. Ask yourself if you’re at peace with the people in your life (current and past relationships). You may be re-living a hurt from years ago that will eventually torpedo your new way of living and thinking (recovery).

• Check-in on your spiritual life. Are you relying on God on a moment-by-moment basis? Remember, the quickest route to a fall is to begin thinking you can handle things on your own.

Go through this process frequently. This could be a new daily practice for you.

At any time of the day, when you begin to feel the pressures build up, go through the four areas above and see if anything stands out. Then, at the end of the day, build into your life a time to acknowledge your failures and celebrate your successes. And then look more deeply and mindfully at your daily life to make sure everything is in order. If not, time to become rigorously honest with yourself and get to work. That is, if you want to think and life a different way.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in peace and serenity by living by a practice?

A practice to dig deep and get honest with yourself. I encourage those who do not have a daily practice, to create one and follow it during this spring season. Those that do have a daily practice, I challenge yourself to dig deeper to bring about more change and transformation.

Bullies are not only children...

Middle school bullies and mean girls grow up and become adult bullies and mean girls.  Grown up queen-bees and bullying behaviour remains the same as back in the day: it systematically targets people with the intention to intimidate, undermine, or degrade.  The same tricks get recycled too: gossip (lies), sabotage, exclusion, public shaming and many more deliberate behaviours.

According to www.bullyingstatistics.org "The goal of the adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult and try and humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss.""

"Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others." - Paramahansa Yogananda

Being bullied is very painful and truly a tragic experience.  Having thought once we grew up into adulthood we would no longer have to experience (cope) with mean girls, group clicks, gangs, gossips and liars.  These people who need to feel good or worthy at the expense of another is horrific.  People who bully are acting in premeditation and deliberate cruelty.

Adult bullying is very serious and very real.  I have personally experienced adult bullying and would love to share how working with my coach has helped me move through the pain, heal and find a more courageous and graceful self.

Are you a victim of bullies, mean girls or boys?  Plese reach out, I'd love to listen.

From People Pleasing to Choosing to Serve

People pleasing is something I grew up practicing.  I thought people would like me if I did what they wanted.  I did things for people hoping it would make them include me, accept me.  I said, acted and dressed just to please.  I did things people wanted me to do even if I hated it or knew it wasn't right.  This people pleasing developed into an enormous mask for not meeting myself.  I was all tangled up in what I thought people wanted me to be and I never got to know myself.  I never met the real and authentic me.  This people pleasing got me mixed up in making bad decisions,  choosing wrong people doing risky things in dangerous places.  It has taken me a decade to "meet" myself and understand my thoughts, emotions and actions. 

Today as a recovery life coach, I choose to serve others. I serve myself by being honest with myself.  I'm meeting myself where I am and knowing who I am.  I set boundaries.  I've learned to say "Yes" to myself more.  Today I discern.  I listen to my instincts and don't allow others to talk me into or out of what I know to be true and right for me.

How can you say "Yes" to yourself more?