Half way through January...

Anyone feeling unmotivated, struggling with making decisions, lack of creativity and energy? 

Well, I’m with you.

I have always loved the new year, a time of reflecting on the past year, reviewing what I accomplished, what I haven’t and where am I going and what I’d like to create and change. 

I did reflect and have given some thought to 2022 but I’m struggling with “getting going” and putting my ideas and intentions on paper –

What do I want to start blogging about?

How do I get back to writing my book?

What needs to be built and done in my coaching practice?    

Ugh! Just seems so big and so much! How can I help myself?

What steps can I take to get clear so I can move through this place?

Then I remembered a little tool I learned in one of the coaching schools I attended its called Clear and Unclear.

Here we go…

1.     Write down the problem you are facing.

2.     Then, create two columns.  One column heading is Clear the second column Unclear.

3.     In the Clear column, list everything you know for sure about this problem. Once you have stated everything you know (all the facts and things and ideas you are sure of),

4.     Then go to the unclear column and write down everything you are unclear about the situation. (Whatever you are unsure of, whatever questions you have, whatever you think might be true, but you don’t know it is true for a fact).

Often this exercise will reveal where I’m stuck and where I need to do some research.  It always helps me to get honest with myself about the direction I want to take that will get me one step closer to my goals.  It also has shown me when goals need to be modified.  Sometimes out of struggle and confusion I’m shown that the goal needs to be entirely let go of.

I hope you find this little tool helpful in getting you through what you are struggling with.  If you need someone to partner with, let’s connect.   Please send an email to nicole@coachwithnicole.ca and we can set up a complimentary call and have a conversation!  Happy 2022!

Tips and Affirmations for Staying Sober During the Holidays

Staying sober can be difficult over the holidays. Calendars are jam-packed, routines are disrupted, and a lot of old emotions and triggers can be stirred up. If you’re going through a difficult time or you’ve lost a loved one, the holidays can bring up feelings of loneliness and depression, anger, anxiety and stress, or even a mix of all of them. To make matters worse, many events with friends, like Christmas parties and New Year’s Eve celebrations, seem to revolve around alcohol. The holidays don’t have to be a time for you to return to addiction though. With the right plans and supports in place, you can get through any triggers the holidays bring up and stay sober. Read on for our most helpful tips for staying sober over the holidays.

Make a plan

The first step to staying sober over the holidays is to make a plan of action before you find yourself in the midst of a battle with temptation. Know how long you’ll stay at an event, and plan what you’ll say if someone asks if you want a drink. Rehearse the lines out loud at home so you’ll know exactly how to respond. Even something simple like, “No thanks, I’m not thirsty” or, “No thanks, I brought my own drink,” can help.

Prioritize self-care

Because the holidays can stir up so many negative emotions for people, remember to prioritize self-care and feeling good. What can you do to stay grounded and healthy, both physically and emotionally, over the holidays? Maybe you like to meditate or take a yoga class or write in your journal. Read an amazing book, spend time with your children, go for a walk.

Choose healthy foods that will make you feel good inside and out and make time for exercise. Taking care of yourself will not only help you feel good, but it will also help you feel confident and strong. You are someone worth taking care of, and that includes staying healthy and staying sober.

Be selective about events

The holidays can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re receiving invites left and right to parties that involve drinking. Don’t feel like you can’t go out and have fun, but you also don’t need to feel pressure to accept every invitation that comes your way. If you’re not feeling up to an event, be sure to set a boundary and say no without guilt. You’re doing the best you can to stay sober, and sometimes that means sitting out events that might trigger a craving.

Have a sober friend on-call

Having a sober friend on-call is a crucial part of staying sober over the holidays. This person can be someone like a friend or a family member, or they could be a coach or sponsor. If you’re at an event and you’re finding it very difficult to resist an urge, step outside and call or text your sober friend for support and accountability.

Bring your own drinks

If you’re worried about going to an event and being the only person not drinking, bring your own beverages along, like sparkling waters or sodas. Having something in your hand can stop people from constantly asking if you want a drink, and it can give you something to do with your hands so you don’t feel out of place. Don’t worry if it’s non-alcoholic. Most people will hardly notice, but you’ll be glad to have something to sip on.

Focus on other traditions

The holiday season can have a big focus on drinking, but what else can you do to celebrate? Decorate a tree, hang up Christmas lights, cook the turkey, go sledding. There are tons of ways to celebrate the holidays while maintaining your sobriety. The holiday season is a time of celebration that you can share with friends and family. You don’t have to drink to celebrate, and there are tons of options for activities you can do.

Bring a sober friend

If you’re going to an event that will have drinking, why not bring a sober companion to help you with accountability? The two of you can support each other, and if the atmosphere isn’t right, you can make the decision to leave together.

Give to others

Find joy in the holiday season by giving back to others. Whether it’s volunteering at a soup kitchen or picking out the perfect gift for your loved one, the joy and magic of the holiday season comes from being generous. Maybe you’ve lost precious time with friends and families over the holidays before you were sober. One of the best parts of being sober is being able to have a clear mind and being able to put your time and talents towards benefiting others, and not just yourself.

Find a meeting

Travelling or not over the holidays, make time to go to a meeting.

Stay active

If the thought of staying sober is making you antsy, be sure to stay active. If you’re at a party, maybe you can play a game or offer to help with dishes. If you’re with family, bring everyone outside for a snowball fight or decorate cookies together. Keeping your hands busy will help you pass the time.

Be honest

Lastly, be honest if you’re struggling. The people who care about you want you to succeed and they want you to stay sober. Being honest about your struggles can help people understand why you don’t want a drink or why you’re declining their invitation to go out. Now, this doesn’t mean that everyone you meet deserves to hear your story, but if someone you trust is accidentally pressuring you, let them know so they can support you instead.

In a nutshell, it’s not always easy to stay sober over the holidays. But these tips will help you on your journey. It is possible to stay sober and to be able to celebrate in a way that doesn’t involve alcohol. Take care of yourself and remember how good it feels to be sober. You’ll be able to make amazing memories with your friends and loved ones, and you’ll be able to go back to normal life feeling proud and feeling healthy. You can do it!

AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are a reinforcement of our hopes, intentions and dreams. Affirmations are a redirection, a course correction, to bring us into the present moment and get us mentally back on track towards thinking and feeling better about life.

• I wake up excited for each new day

• Life is happening for me, not to me

• Every moment presents opportunities for happiness

• I am safe, I am healthy, I am well

• My life is filled with magic

• I am loved, I am honored, I am cherished

• I am worthy of my deepest desires

• I am grateful for everything that I have in this moment

• I trust the timing of my life. Everything is unfolding for me as it should

• The joy that I share always comes back to me

• I am present, I am patient, I breathe through stressful moments

• I release unnecessary expectations, I know that I am always enough

• I find happiness in the smallest joys

• I feel calm, centered, and grounded within myself

• I trust myself, I love myself, all is well

 May you and those you love be blessed this season and new year with love, joy and health!

Hold for the Next Available Agent....

What should I do while on hold with an airline, write a blog.

I’ve been on hold for three hours with WestJet and for those Canadian readers can appreciate the patience it takes to wait for the next available agent. Early this morning I booked a flight online using our banked credits and it appears to have gone sideways. I chose to book online, which I never do, thinking it would be easy and simple, but I was wrong. I was hoping not to have to wait for an agent, and here I am, waiting for an agent.

After a long, dark, cold and locked down winter, freedom grew as the days got longer and the vaccine shots were offered to everyone, shots where being scheduled and people were experiencing hope. There was a real buzz of what people where experiencing.

Spring sprung starting with an April email from a beautiful woman. A special invitation was presented to me to join a group of like minded women to learn how to write a non-fiction book. For some reason I didn’t have to ponder this offer very long. I quickly took this to my husband, Hal, who has been encouraging me for years to write a book. He quickly said “I think you should do it”.

That was that, I signed up and paid for my spot. Then I got thinking about this beautiful woman who invited me, “she has a podcast called the “Bubble Hour” maybe I could be of service to her and her listeners and share my recovery story?” So I offered and she accepted.

Whenever I offer to share my story, I always regret it after, the result of fear and a mean inner critic chirping in my head. I acknowledge and push through the feelings and thoughts with prayer and meditation and do it anyway!!

During the preparation for the Bubble Hour, I was mindful to share only my story, not my sister’s story or cousin’s story or my husband’s story. This would be the first time my story would be recorded and archived. The experience was fabulous and I learned that I needed to do more work around trying to control outcomes. I kept telling myself, just touch one person with hope, and that was the intention. Visit this link to hear the Bubble Hour interview About Coach with Nicole - Meet Nicole Cameron — Coach with Nicole

May arrives and I’m excited for the non-fiction book writing course. We’ll meet for four Saturdays 3.5 hours each time. I went into this experience without any expectations and I had a wonderful time. The leaders were fantastic, the other beginner writers were wonderful! We learned, we laughed, we wrote and we encouraged each other. I loved every minute of it! Our fierce leaders were Catherine Greer in Sydney Australia, and Jean McCarthy in Alberta, Canada. Please visit them at Catherine Greer and Jean McCarthy – Author, Blogger, Podcast Host for their list of books, blogs and podcast.

Still On Hold - Update: 3 hours 43 minutes

June was filled with teaching myself how to write a book, research for the book, interviews for the book, and lots of mental work reminding myself that I’m a beginner and teaching myself how to write a book. There were emails to Jean and Catherine asking for help and wondering if what I was going through was normal, they both continued to encourage me and lift me up. I continued to write.

Here we are in July and I’ve invested in a laptop and write outside every chance I have. I’ve created a writing schedule around my coaching calendar for clients and its working really well. I am consciously reminding myself of time boundaries and being disciplined to my clients and my writing with pockets of time for client reschedules, mentorship calls and booking conversations about coaching with curious people.

Still On Hold - Update: 4 hour wait time - Meghan picked with a friendly and warm “Hello”. Another hour and our flights are all organized and booked!! All set to spend my 55th birthday on the beach.

Two weeks ago I came across an Instagram post, Brene Brown announcing she’s hosting a series of discussions with her twin sisters about “The Gifts of Imperfections”. I jumped on “Unlocking Us” podcast via Spotify to get caught up, since the discussions started at the end of June. “The Gifts” was an instrumental book in my early years of sobriety. If you really want to do personal work, start with this book and podcast. Then call me for some coaching hours and we’ll get busy working on real sustainable change. If you don’t know anything about coaching, let’s have a conversation. You can reach me at nicole@coachwithnicole.ca.

Until next time, be patient, good things happen when we’re patient. Stay connected. Want to make some changes to your life, ask for help!

Letter to the amazing 20 and 30 year old's in our life

The new year has brought so many gifts and its only the second week of 2021.

My husband, Hal, and I have had the most wonderful conversations with our nieces and nephews all in their 20’s and early 30’s. New Years Day we arranged a parking lot visit with our niece and her lovely boyfriend before they headed back to Saskatchewan and the N.W.T. We shared catch up stories and plans for their future. Later that afternoon, we received a call from the roads of Prince Edward Island, our nephew and his new bride (a new niece for us). Discussed their plans and excitement of expecting their first child and how they’ll navigate the new addition. This past weekend, a wonderful facetime discussion with another nephew from Prince Edward Island and his girlfriend, curious about how I started my coaching business. Oh and of course can’t forget about our your YYC nephew’s texts and backyard movie clips throughout the holidays. We had a fantastic social distanced visit in Red Deer with my sister, niece and two great nieces. All the while, being blessed with mentoring younger women here in Calgary.

The reason for my share about all these young people is they all have one thing in common, they aren’t afraid, shameful, prideful, or embarrassed to ask for advice, assistance, or direction. They all know how to ask for help!

This experience has encouraged me to think back as to what I was like at their age…I was full of fear navigating life without very little humility to ask for help. My analytical thought process of all or nothing, black and white, right and wrong, wasn’t allowing me to see the grey in my life, too bad because this is exactly where the opportunities lived. If I wasn’t walking the catwalk in Japan I certainly wasn’t going to continue to do these bridal shows at Edmonton’s convention center. If I couldn’t have it all, I didn’t want any of it. I wasn’t able to ask for help. I wasn’t able to see what I was missing. I made poor decisions based on generational beliefs that buried my creativeness, free-spirited and adventurous character.

Hal and I are so grateful for the young people in our life, they teach us as much as we teach them. I’m shown time and time again by these young folks, that humility and being teachable are true strengths in nurturing character and moving through life intentionally. This blog is a shout out to all the wonderful young people in our lives, I’m excited to continue to watch you grow and navigate life.

Always here to learn from you, listen and share with you!

Nicole and Hal

XO

Gifts of Sobriety - Gratitude

This was truly is the most cherished gift of sobriety, a daily gratitude practice.  This is where I started learning how to get out of myself and focus on the good happening around me and within me.  This gift was the beginning.  When sorrow of a sixth miscarriage showed up in early recovery, it was this gift that showed me how to feel and move through the grief, pain, and loss instead of pushing it down.  I used this practice to focus on what was good in a very painful time. Gratitude keeps me out of self centered fear and victimhood. Today I’m victorious!

Gifts of Sobriety - Changed Perception

The miracle of sobriety has brought about the gift in a change in my perception.  I have shifted living from fear based to faith based, from negative to positive, and from dark to light.  I’ve been given the opportunity to let go of prejudices that kept me sick in alcoholism, codependence, and unhealthy attachment styles.   I am ecstatic that I have been taught and willing to receive new perceptions of the world.  All of this is a practice, daily routines and a choice I seek daily. The change is not wished for its worked for.

Gifts of Sobriety - Choice

Once I received the gift of humility, the power of choice came quickly, and it brought the power to act and to make decisions for myself.  I have my personal power in perspective by seeing through faith that God is the True Power.  While in addiction, I had no choice in anything, alcohol stole everything from me, I was its slave, but in recovery, I know who I am and I have choice.  Today I choose love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.

Gifts of Sobriety - Humility

If I had a favorite gift this one might be it! 

Humility has given me a strong sense of who I am and a clearer vision of myself.  I am no longer in judgement of myself.  With humility I can say, “This is what I did, it’s done.”  My mistakes/failures are simply my mistakes/failures; they do not define me.  I humbly forgive myself and ask for help to do things differently and use them for good moving forward.  Today, I see things as they are.  True humility gives me an understanding of self – I realize my limitations and acknowledge my strengths.  This quote crossed my path.  It reads: “The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you’re lower than yourself but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you the smallness of your greatness.”  Being great and small at the same time is an interesting idea.

Gifts of Sobriety - Clarity

The gift of seeing the past clearly and gaining understanding is a gift of sobriety.  Clarity of past mistakes and failures I’ve made brings about self-honesty and self-forgiveness.  This has taught me how to forgive others, wish them well and let them go.  I’ve also learned through this gift how to embrace and live in the gray area, life is neither white nor black.

Transformed Thinking #2

Letting Go!

What if we got real honest with ourselves and practiced releasing things we could never control to begin with?

What if we released our need to know what happens next?

Freedom is not easy when all we know is busy and bondage, but what if we shattered the patterns and set ourselves free from our thinking?

Release what we thought we needed, loosen our grips, unlearn what’s not serving us, let go of the old and focus on a new way of thinking and living.

Let’s create a new balance in this new season.