On November 25, I turn sixty. My belly button birthday!
November holds another milestone close to my heart. On November 11, I celebrate nineteen years sober.
These two birthdays have me thinking about who I am today, what it took to get here, and what I still desire. At sixty, I want to make these years meaningful, powerful, and generous. I want to reach more women, keep learning, and make choices that give me more room for joy.
I’m still discovering myself.
Sobriety opened a door for me. I began learning how to meet life, and myself, without alcohol. Over time, I started to see how often I stepped away from myself to feel accepted or keep the peace.
Perhaps you know that feeling. You want to speak honestly, but hear yourself saying what will make everyone comfortable. You need rest, but keep going because someone might be disappointed. Then you think, I know this about myself. Why am I still doing it?
It takes courage to see what a familiar pattern is costing you. It also takes tenderness to listen to the part of you that learned to keep the peace or be the capable one. Embracing all of yourself means making room for her, too. You can listen to what she’s afraid of and still make a different choice.
Coaching helped me do that. Having someone listen and ask thoughtful questions helped me hear the stories I kept telling myself and consider choices I hadn’t seen before. I know what it feels like to be witnessed while finding my own way forward, and I carry that into my work with the women I coach.
Ishtara has helped me notice how those patterns feel in my body. I’m learning to catch the moment I want to withdraw or seek permission, and pause long enough to ask myself what I want.
Now I’m embarking on Ishtara Star, a yearlong journey to re-member and real-ize who I am and bring more of myself into my relationships, my work, and my purpose. Choosing it has already brought me face to face with a familiar question: Do I trust myself to honour what matters to me?
Maybe there’s a question like that in your life, too. A conversation you keep postponing. A boundary you feel but haven’t spoken. A desire you dismiss before anyone else has a chance to hear it.
If something here feels familiar, I’d love to talk with you. I’m happy to share more about how coaching supported me and explore what it could look like for you. You don’t need to have it all figured out to start a conversation.
Email me and we’ll find a time for a call.
With love,
Nicole
xo