Letter to the amazing 20 and 30 year old's in our life

The new year has brought so many gifts and its only the second week of 2021.

My husband, Hal, and I have had the most wonderful conversations with our nieces and nephews all in their 20’s and early 30’s. New Years Day we arranged a parking lot visit with our niece and her lovely boyfriend before they headed back to Saskatchewan and the N.W.T. We shared catch up stories and plans for their future. Later that afternoon, we received a call from the roads of Prince Edward Island, our nephew and his new bride (a new niece for us). Discussed their plans and excitement of expecting their first child and how they’ll navigate the new addition. This past weekend, a wonderful facetime discussion with another nephew from Prince Edward Island and his girlfriend, curious about how I started my coaching business. Oh and of course can’t forget about our your YYC nephew’s texts and backyard movie clips throughout the holidays. We had a fantastic social distanced visit in Red Deer with my sister, niece and two great nieces. All the while, being blessed with mentoring younger women here in Calgary.

The reason for my share about all these young people is they all have one thing in common, they aren’t afraid, shameful, prideful, or embarrassed to ask for advice, assistance, or direction. They all know how to ask for help!

This experience has encouraged me to think back as to what I was like at their age…I was full of fear navigating life without very little humility to ask for help. My analytical thought process of all or nothing, black and white, right and wrong, wasn’t allowing me to see the grey in my life, too bad because this is exactly where the opportunities lived. If I wasn’t walking the catwalk in Japan I certainly wasn’t going to continue to do these bridal shows at Edmonton’s convention center. If I couldn’t have it all, I didn’t want any of it. I wasn’t able to ask for help. I wasn’t able to see what I was missing. I made poor decisions based on generational beliefs that buried my creativeness, free-spirited and adventurous character.

Hal and I are so grateful for the young people in our life, they teach us as much as we teach them. I’m shown time and time again by these young folks, that humility and being teachable are true strengths in nurturing character and moving through life intentionally. This blog is a shout out to all the wonderful young people in our lives, I’m excited to continue to watch you grow and navigate life.

Always here to learn from you, listen and share with you!

Nicole and Hal

XO

Gifts of Sobriety - Gratitude

This was truly is the most cherished gift of sobriety, a daily gratitude practice.  This is where I started learning how to get out of myself and focus on the good happening around me and within me.  This gift was the beginning.  When sorrow of a sixth miscarriage showed up in early recovery, it was this gift that showed me how to feel and move through the grief, pain, and loss instead of pushing it down.  I used this practice to focus on what was good in a very painful time. Gratitude keeps me out of self centered fear and victimhood. Today I’m victorious!

Gifts of Sobriety - Changed Perception

The miracle of sobriety has brought about the gift in a change in my perception.  I have shifted living from fear based to faith based, from negative to positive, and from dark to light.  I’ve been given the opportunity to let go of prejudices that kept me sick in alcoholism, codependence, and unhealthy attachment styles.   I am ecstatic that I have been taught and willing to receive new perceptions of the world.  All of this is a practice, daily routines and a choice I seek daily. The change is not wished for its worked for.

Gifts of Sobriety - Maturity

This gift of maturity has cut the cord from self-seeking and self-centeredness.  Addiction brought a sense that I wasn’t getting what I thought I needed or thought I wanted.  This kept me immature and fearful.   Through maturity I see with clarity how what I thought I needed and wanted was not allowing me to grow. The underlying fear created all kinds of barriers. Today I receive maturity through living out my core values, specifically honesty. I’m so grateful I can show up in service for others without score keeping or expecting something in return.

Gifts of Sobriety - Choice

Once I received the gift of humility, the power of choice came quickly, and it brought the power to act and to make decisions for myself.  I have my personal power in perspective by seeing through faith that God is the True Power.  While in addiction, I had no choice in anything, alcohol stole everything from me, I was its slave, but in recovery, I know who I am and I have choice.  Today I choose love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.

Gifts of Sobriety - Humility

If I had a favorite gift this one might be it! 

Humility has given me a strong sense of who I am and a clearer vision of myself.  I am no longer in judgement of myself.  With humility I can say, “This is what I did, it’s done.”  My mistakes/failures are simply my mistakes/failures; they do not define me.  I humbly forgive myself and ask for help to do things differently and use them for good moving forward.  Today, I see things as they are.  True humility gives me an understanding of self – I realize my limitations and acknowledge my strengths.  This quote crossed my path.  It reads: “The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you’re lower than yourself but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you the smallness of your greatness.”  Being great and small at the same time is an interesting idea.

Gifts of Sobriety - Wholeness

Connecting my feelings and beliefs with my actions has lead me to living a life of wholeness or integrity.  Unifying my inner and outer life creates completeness.   Today I know who I am, what I value, what my priorities are, and what I think and feel.  This is the first time in my life that I have made these connections and is all a result of living sober.

Gifts of Sobriety - Connection

This gift allows me to bring light into the darkness of alcoholism.  I am accountable – I show up when I say I will and no longer plan my life around alcohol and hangovers. I have come out from underneath addiction.

My drinking kept me exceedingly small, isolated, and in a place of secrecy and lies.   Over the years I have become confident and honest about my alcoholism and share it with anyone that it may serve.  I treasure connection with others and love the authentic relationships I’ve established in sobriety.

Gifts of Sobriety - Clarity

The gift of seeing the past clearly and gaining understanding is a gift of sobriety.  Clarity of past mistakes and failures I’ve made brings about self-honesty and self-forgiveness.  This has taught me how to forgive others, wish them well and let them go.  I’ve also learned through this gift how to embrace and live in the gray area, life is neither white nor black.

Gifts of Sobriety - Serenity and Peace

I accepted that I could not do this myself - alcohol is too powerful. I had to let go, be brave and ask for help.  This is the first time I had ever felt peace.  I learned the Serenity Prayer.  I use this prayer in all situations, it helps me discern, get clear about what the next right thing is and is not.  It began a new relationship with a Higher Power (which I call God).  My serenity comes from living my core values, redefined beliefs, and relationship with God. It feeds my freedom!